SMALL ME!

SMALL ME!

Have you ever felt small?

 it’s a question!

 it’s a question I ask myself sometimes!

 it’s a question I want to run away from asking. But really have, you ever felt small?

What makes you feel small?

Sometimes, we don’t want to tell ourselves the truth.

We would rather lie even to ourselves or just get a good reason to get angry … More like take the anger out on someone else, just to escape the truth.

What is the truth?

The truth is that at that very moment in time, we feel small.

Please note: I didn’t say we feel belittled. WE FEEL SMALL!

Now what does that even mean?

Elise Grey describes it as being ORDINARY

So I looked the word up and there were so many explanations. But I found a few that drove the message home;

COMMON, TYPICAL, NOT DIFFERENT OR SPECIAL OR UNEXPECTED IN ANY WAY!

So lately, I have felt ORDINARY/SMALL!

At first I didn’t know what I was really feeling. I was just sad a lot, blank a lot, frustrated a lot, even angry a lot.

You know that feeling you feel that something is wrong and you just can’t put a finger on it.

It’s harder when you cannot talk about it because you are busy standing in the gap for everyone else around you.

Until one night, I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to cry, needed to vent, to share, anything to get relief.

So I picked up my phone to call a friend and as I held it in my hand… Nothing came to mind!

Not one name! Not one number! Nothing!

Then it hit me!

SMALL ME!

I was small! That was the feeling!

I couldn’t give myself a good enough reason for whoever I end up calling on the other end to pick the call.

I felt insignificant! Too unimportant to be paid attention to.

Unfortunately, it happens to us way too often and our EGO gets in the way of allowing ourselves a moment to see what is going on, so we cloud it with something else. Anger, a party, a hangout, road rage… Anything to help us cover our shame.

Have I lost you? Okay let’s dial back a minute;

Have you ever needed to reach out to someone to tell them the good or bad news first and as you about to make that call or send that text, you realize it might not be such a good idea? Why? Well he or she has stepped up. Gotten married or made more money or is no more in the country.

And by virtue of who or what they have become, they are now too busy to talk, listen to you or simply pick your call or call back.

In that very moment, your stomach churns and admit it or not, you genuinely feel SMALL!

So there it was! I FELT SMALL!

As I began to look deeper, I found out a few more things.

1. Sometimes, the person on the other end made you feel that way without realizing it.

2. Sometimes they did it on purpose, just so they can feel important enough.

3. Sometimes it’s payback because at some point, -knowingly or unknowingly- you did the very same and the tables have now turned.

4. Sometimes, the higher power is sending you a huge signal to step up and out of your comfort zone.

And this is the big one;

5. Sometimes it’s ALL IN YOUR HEAD!

Are you wondering which it is for you?

Well, I say find out yourself because I am too busy right now trying to discover what mine is.

When I do though? I will be sure to tell you.

PS: IF GOD SEEMS FAR AWAY, GUESS WHO MOVED?

YOU!!!