THE VOICE SEMINAR 2.0

The voice of the lady in the magazine in the famous VENUS tv commercial in the 90’s never left my head-i wanted to sound like that, I knew I could sound like that. Today, I sound FAR better than that.

Hi! I’m Chioma. I talk for a living from radio to television. I am a professional voice-over artiste, with jobs with clients like Mtn, Verve, GtAssure, Bournvita, Stanbic, Nestle, Dettol, Lux e.t.c under my sleeves.

And yes I can teach you to do the same…. have teamed up with MAESTROS in the business to put together THE VÓICE SEMINAR!

Our first edition held in December 2013. We had; Voice Coach BEN OGBEUYI, Ace Producer JOEL GODFREY, Founding GM of City FM & Host of the OAP ACADEMY, KAMAL SALAU, Voice artiste extraordinaire AHIDE ADUM.

You can check out some of the pictures and video clips on http://www.jazzmelange.com

Get trained by ace producers, voice coaches, e.t.c. @ just 5,000 naira.

Date: Sat 24th & Sun 25th of May 2014
Venue will be communicated to interested individuals.

If interested, send a mail to soulemelange@gmail.com.

DON’T BE TOLD, BE THERE!!! PLS RBC, FB & TWEET! ({})

SAY SOMETHING!

13:59. Saturday 18th January 2014
‘Say Something – A Great Big world feat Christina Aguilera’ on repeat.

Have you ever been there? You wish they’d just say something, anything? You wish they’d just say ‘Yes!’ ‘No!’ ‘I’m sorry!’ ‘Please!’ ‘Stay!’ ‘Go!’ ‘I love you!’
Those make or break words!
Those words that could change the course of your lives.
I have been there so many times.
It doesn’t just have to be about a relationship of lovers you know.
Sometimes, it’s a friendship, family…
A single friend of mine who is so lonely once said to me, “sometimes, I wish my folks were mad at me for being single. I wish they sent me out of the house or something. I just hate that they are so understanding about it.”
I knew exactly what she was talking about.
#shrug

Sadly, that something is all we need to change the course of destiny sometimes.

I’m in that place again. That place where all I want is to hear that ‘SOMETHING’

“Say something, I’m giving up on you”…

“Say something…”

FROM STEVE HARRIS (LIFE STRATEGIST)

GIVE YOUR VOICE A MAKEOVER!

Doing voice-overs come to me easy, but I still needed someone to coach me to modulate and inflect my voice.

Yeah, even ‘Your Life Strategist’ gets coached too!

Continuous improvement is the name of the game.

So this really sweet and hot professional schooled me to the game and improved my skills.

So she’s organizing THE VOICE SEMINAR from December 7-8, 2013.

Learn how to:
*speak clearly and articulately
*enunciate your words and speak ‘standard English’
*develop a ‘customer service’ voice
*Get into character for a role
*compere events
*modulate your tone to suit a script
*know what the producer is looking for at a voice audition
*know what the client is looking for
*to get called back for jobs

And lots more…

Learn from the very best in the business!

Facilitators include:-

BEN OGBEIWI (Voice Coach Academy), KAMAL SALAU (CEO Pro Emcees), JOEL GODFREY (AGENCY PRODUCER-DDB, ENGINEER) and so much more!

Venue: Prince Anthony Hotels
#27 Oyedele Ogunniyi Str.
Anthony Village. Off Mudi Lane.

Send your Name, Phone no and email address to:

0705-556-7725 or Add on BB 26F59D7D to get a reservation.

Registration:
5K (regular)
3k for students (with VALID I.Ds only)

Zenith Bank 1013063370
Acct name: Soulemelange Entertainment

Your Host: Chioma Okpala (OAP & Compere Extraordinaire)

I’m SteveHARRIS and I endorse this message!

THERE’S MORE!!!

A lot is going on that you need to know about and be a part of:

LEARN THE ‘HOW’ OF BECOMING A CELEBRATED ON-AIR PERSONALITY/PRESENTER!!!

ATTEND THE PRO EMCEES RADIO TRAINING SCHOOL’S ‘BASIC RADIO/TV PERSONALITY/PRESENTER TRAINING, SEASON 5’, NOVEMBER 2013. 

It’s Nigeria’s 1st Practical Training School for intending/practising On-Air-Personalities/Presenters! 

This last edition for the year will be hosting:
Chris Razor – Beat fm, Nelly – Naija Info, Oscar – City fm, Tosyn – Top fm, Titi – Inspiration fm, Joyce – Cool fm, Lady J – Naija fm, Chioma – Prof OAP and VO Specialist, Femi – Veteran Audio Production Expert, Kamal Salau – Host ‘Don’t Forget The Lyrics’ & Broadcast Coach, etc

For Whom
A. People who want to get into radio or TV
B. Radio and TV Presenters who want to take it to the next level
C. Individuals Interested in Broadcasting

Benefits of the Training
. Meet people with the same passion
. Get tons and tons of practise in presenting
. Learn best practise in the industry
. Discover your strengths and weaknesses
. Meet practitioners and experts
. Get quality and professional advise and guidance 
. Acquire the knowledge and develop the skills in presenting
. 1 month IT @ a radio station in Lagos

Come and experience 3 weeks of INTENSIVE coaching!

Kindly note that the classes are now 80% practical, making it the first and only one of its kind in Nigeria!

Application & registration now close 11th of November. 
Classes run from 15th Nov. to 6th of Dec., 2013. 9am to 2pm. Monday to Friday.

Download registration form from http://www.theproemcees.com and return the completed form to oap@theproemcees.com.

Or send your email add to: 08083000003, 08032019377.
Bb Pin: 28EC85ED
Fb: /kamalsalau1. 
Twitter: @kamalsalau.

It’s first come, first served as available spaces are limited.

Powered by PRO EMCEES in association with True Joy Creative Academy and Assetbase Media.

Kindly share, ping, tweet and re-broadcast. 
Our mission is to build capacity in the Nigerian media industry.

From: Kamal ‘MOG’ Salau, Talent & Career Therapist.

“I AM A PLUS SIZE WOMAN! I DESERVE PLUS SIZE LOVE!”

Do weigh in however you please. Say what you really think. Be as blunt as possible. I just want to know your take.
You already know I am a plus size woman. Some of my friends say I am too choosy and that’s why I am still single. I say “boo hoo!” Honestly, I am so sick and tired of this accusation. I do not apologise for being choosy. In fact, I celebrate that I am. There are ladies who do not have a choice -or do not realise that they do have one-. There is no one who is not choosy in some way. From the food we eat, to our dress sense and style, to the friends we keep, our routes to and from home… Etc.
Hold on a second! Before you crucify me, when I talk about being choosy, I don’t mean excessively. There is a limit ofcourse;
There are certain things that attract me to a guy. No! It’s not just the ‘TDH’ (tall, dark and handsome) -that counts too sha *girlie giggle* and did I mention slim? I’m big enough for the both of us thank you very much.*wink*-
Ok seriously though, here are some things that get my attention in a man;

*FEAR OF GOD: I know that sounds very cliché but I not only say it because everyone says it, I do because I have an in depth understanding of the benefits of having a man that has the fear of God.
A man that respects a higher power and looks up to that higher power will have a genuine conscience.
He will love a woman WELL -i mean that in every way-
The chances of him cheating on you is very slim.
He is true to himself and to you.
And let’s be honest, I need a man as spiritually sensitive and even more than myself.
It will also help to build the kids in the way of the lord when both their parents take God seriously.
And I won’t lie, it will just give me peace of mind to know that I didn’t just marry a christian by religion but a man that genuinely has a relationship with God and trusts God. We will be speaking the same language and operating on the same wave length.

*SENSE OF HUMOUR: oh this is as prime o!
There is no compromising on this matter too. He doesn’t just need a sense of humour, but a VERY good one. A flexible one.
They say women don’t have much of a sense of humour, that we don’t click easily. So I am one of the few that have a great one. Do you then know how boring and annoying it can be when you are with a guy and he just doesn’t get you? Let me give you a good example;
I was listening to the radio the other day and a caller said his name was Orji and they called him ‘Orgy’. And they asked “so what does it cost to have you” and he replied “nothing” and they said “Oh your Orgy is for free?” And the guy just flatly said “yes”. So one of the presenters said “really wow!” And the guy just said flatly “I don’t get it”
What? I wanted to put my hands through the radio and just shake the blonde out of him. And please don’t even give me the excuse that he was busy because this was at night, like almost 11pm. There is no excuse. If it was just one statement they made and moved on, I would understand that he didn’t even hear what they said. But he carried on with the conversation clueless. *smhandcoveringmyface*
Yeah yeah! I realise there are moments. -Everyone has a their five minutes of ‘blank’ but … #imjustsaying.- So this guy and scenario is just an example. But imagine how unhappy you will be with someone who never gets you and doesn’t even try to. I am such a happy person, so this will be taking away from me rather than adding. You know by now that I’m into little things. The little baby crying one minute, who at the sound of ‘Personally’ by P-Square, just abandons his tears and starts dancing. The truck carrying the sign “if you can’t see my mirror, then I can’t see you”. The guy who slows down on Agidingbi and suddenly parks just to get a fly out of his car. Little things that go unnoticed a lot of times, these are the things I find pleasure in. Thus, he has to have an open mind and a very good, versatile sense of humour.

*GENTLEMAN: Now here’s how this one works;
I am not irrational or unreasonable. I realise that for a thousand and one reasons, there are certain things a man might not be able to do all the time -especially in this part of the world- to prove that he is a gentleman. But I still think there are efforts that he can make. The first challenge some of our men face in this part of the world is;
There are not taught the basic etiquettes both from home and in school. Nobody teaches you the rule of ‘LADIES FIRST’
Young men are not taught in good time to open the door for a lady. Or that if you walked in not knowing she was coming and turned around to see her, you hold the door for her.
Some men still don’t know that when a lady approaches a table where you are seated to eat, you rise up and wait for her to sit first. In fact, you should even pull out her chair for her.
I can go on.
So many men, young and old, do not know or just fail to pay attention to these basic manners.
How many people went to schools in this country where they were taught these little things? In a country like Nigeria and typically, a state like Lagos where everything is done in a hurry; you are rushing to get to start the car before ‘Lastma’ comes over escorted by a towing van, thanks to the bus driver that carried you knowing he didn’t have fuel in his tank and thus had to park you on the road at some point while his conductor went to look for gas, you were running too late to that meeting, to be bothered to let the lady enter first. “After all, she is only there to see someone and my job is on the line.” You think.
“How does anyone expect you to follow all these rules in such conditions? Clearly they don’t apply under these circumstances.”
I do not totally agree, in fact, I think men use these as excuses and take it as a ‘license to kill’ BUT I realise that sometimes, you can be excused indeed. Hence, when I say I would like a GENTLEMAN, it doesn’t mean you do all these by the book. But it does mean that you naturally and without being asked, make an effort. Take my hand while we cross the street, extend an arm when we are going to an occasion, extend a helping hand even when you think I can handle it, offer to do the heavy lifting even when you come to my place, dress appropriately, smell right -and believe me, it’s not as expensive to smell good as you think- especially if and when we are not officially an item -it just gives off a good impression-, take permission to touch my body even if in a bid to help remove a foreign body. Be pleasant.
For some people, this is already asking for too much, but if you tell yourself the truth, some of these things should truly come naturally and be a way of life. And truth be told, none of what I have asked for is so hard.
My friend and I argued about this too. And I said something I won’t take back;
Sometimes I think men are truly confused or just asking to eat their cake and have it all at once. One minute you complain I am too independent and when I ask you to make me need you, you decide I am either being lazy or trying to ride you -not that kind of ride joor- So what exactly do you want?
What you fail to realise is that no matter how independent, strong or manly a lady is, she does need a man. She needs someone to take the burden off her. In fact, the more independent a lady is, the more she needs a man that can both hold his own and make her feel like a girl again. Here’s what I mean:
I as a lady carry way too many responsibilities than I’d like to. I have to be strong for everyone and push and pull and hustle. So I need a ‘man’s man’. Someone who can be strong for me. Someone who I can be myself around, who I can be a lady around after being the man for everyone else. Someone who will not chicken out on me. Who I can dump it all on and he will take it. I need someone who will welcome me, leave my baggage at the door and just hold me. Someone who is in charge. I am a strong woman, always in charge and on top of things, so I’d like to know I can drop the game face when I get to you and be sure that you can be in charge of me and everything else while all I can do is let you.
I think I have said too much now. So if you still don’t get it, then…

*SPONTANEITY: this cannot be over flogged o! I am not and have never been a 9-5 lot. It’s not because of the money because sometimes, the money is amazing. It’s because… I just can’t! I am not that person.
The thing is I get bored easily. Yes I said it! *nowsingingthebrunomarssongaway* But seriously, it’s so true. I think a thousand things at a time. I am a creative mind. I am a free spirit. So a routine feels like some kind of bottle. Like a cage, slavery.
I know you are wondering how I manage to stay an OAP. Well, it’s different I must tell you. As an OAP, the job and the shows are not fixed. I am not obligated or under any rule to do or say things in an exact manner. I am allowed to express myself and my thoughts anyway I choose as long as I don’t break the basic rules. As such, my mind works round the clock to find new ways of presenting my shows. I am allowed to try out new ideas as often as I come up with them. And I get to surprise myself all the time.
Now back to my man. It is important that he is not ‘set in his ways’. That he is not rigid. That he has an open mind and to an extent is adventurous. I want to be able to show up at your office and have a quickie (make out atleast) with no fear that you would turn me down. -i can’t believe I just said that out loud.- I want to be able to surprise you even if a little. I think that would go a long way to keep our fire burning.
See, I realise that it wouldn’t always be ideal and I won’t always get it out of you or butt into your programme, but I’d like to know that I will sometimes. I would love to know that I cannot always guess that you will say ‘Yes or No’ and be right on the money. That would make for a boring and incompatible relationship. Need I say more?

ATTENTIVE: NTBC (not to be compromised). Yep! I LOVE ATTENTION and I cannot lie. I love to give it and I most definitely love to have it. My love languages in order of importance are:-
*Quality time
*Words of Affirmation
*Physical touch, receiving gifts
*Acts of service
Notice that two are on the same bullet? Well that’s because they are of equal importance.

So now that you have heard my side, do you still think I am too choosy? Please let me know and why.
By the way, I do realise you can’t always get what you want and I am willing to meet halfway. But I am not willing to make do or manage at all because I am “not getting any younger”. I believe these things exist and there are men who possess them.
I also do not imagine I will see all these traits in one day, but to a large extent, first impressions do go along way wouldn’t you agree? If you go out on a date and have a truly boring one where the guy barely made conversation or contributed to one. Where the other person just didn’t get you. Where there is not one thing about the date that you remember and smile hard at or atleast giggle a little. Would you want to do it again?

P.S: if you are wondering what I have to bring to the table, come and find out for yasef! *wink*

I CHIOMA AM A PLUS SIZE WOMAN AND DESERVE PLUS SIZE LOVE!!!

I HAVE A CONFESSION!!!

Hi guys!

I know i have been really slow lately putting up posts but that hasn’t been on purpose. The thing is; i have been working on my website and hope it would have been up by now, but for reasons way beyond my control… well let’s just say things have not worked as i planned.

So again i apologize sincerely and i promise to get back in the game.

In fact, there is something presently on my mind. The piece is not ready yet, but I am dying to give you a hint:

Very recently, a friend of mind sparked a conversation that well…. almost went awry but for …. for the fact that we owed it to each other to stay friends.

Anyway, so we were talking about ME. Something about me being choosy. And boy did he get my attention!

So i am writing about ME! My ‘Choosy self’ and maybe why i am still single. I am putting it all out there and letting you dissect me into bits and pieces. Please do well to give me your honest opinion. I would give an arm and a leg to know what is going on in that head of yours and how much you think is crap and if you think I’m on point at all.

So do expect my tell all piece as soon as possible.

P.S: I would like to say a big than you for reading my blog. Please tell your family, friends, your friends’ friends, your friends’ friends’ friends … Okay, tell one tell all. Pretty please *puppy look* 

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?

Has anyone seen the video posted by Stella Damasus? I have and I am glad that finally, a celebrity is selflessly putting herself out there.
I have encouraged my friends to sign the petition if that is the most they can do. And finally this!
Stella Damasus, you have done me and all women proud. I am proud to be associated with you. I am not only posting this video, I CHIOMA OKPALA am endorsing it.
I know that soon enough, people will start asking for this link so here you go:
http://t.co/2kTq6yCFSN
I am on the watch!!!

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

#IMJUSTSAYING

A friend of mine once made this comment and I took it lightly. But I reminded myself of what he said and I couldn’t agree more.
I bet Nigeria has the highest number of church branches in the world… Wait! Make I google am o!
I’m back. And yes I was right! We do have so many church branches, services and a ton of people in attendance. There are Sunday services, Saturday service (7th Day Adventists), midweek evening services, vigils, break of dawn services and what have you.
Some people are church harlots and prostitutes. They hop around from bed to bed -in this case from church to church as well as from branch to branch.- “wetin dem dey find?” You might ask. Well the answer is simple. ANSWERS. MIRACLE. BELONGING.
Yep! Some people hop around looking for answers like it’s meant to be in a particular place. Some are looking for miracles. What some pastors have called “Jehovah sharp sharp” as if God is meant to be some sort of magician. Some are just looking for where they fit in. Now this category of people are still divided. Some refer to fitting in as where their spirits are in unison with the message and the messenger and others would like to fit in with the class of members.
Church has now become a thing of denominations and crowd, not to mention hype. It makes me wonder sometimes, what happened to the real church? Where are the ‘True Worshippers’?
I remember growing up in church. People were true and holy -atleast in the presence of God- People would genuinely smile at you and even hug you in church and outside, when they saw a fellow member, it softened their hearts and encouraged them to be good. I still know quite a few hymns because they were constantly sung in church. During ‘praise and worship’ , people would forget all their cares and just genuinely enjoy the presence of God. I miss those days. Everyone would dance their cares away, get on their knees and worship God in truth and in spirit. Whether the sermon was an hour or more, you would listen with wrapped attention, circle the verses in the bible and take notes. People would hurry in for sunday school and come in with shame if they missed it, signifying that they were really late for church. The level of decency when we dressed to church was incredible. So what changed? I’ll tell you.
As denominations began to expand, ministers began to seek ways to get more people to come to church. Certain things became permissive and before you knew it, everything was allowed into the church. We started by leaving our hair uncovered (ladies), then allowing ladies wear pants and then short skirts, today, people go to church dressed like they are going to a disco club or standing at allen, waiting for clients at 10pm. The skirts are much shorter, slits are higher and boobs are more visible. Then when we get to church, we are too uncomfortale to even dance to the lord or bow before his presence.
I am not here to judge anyone. But as I observe, I question myself. I ask myself;
*would you wear this to work?
*would you wear this to make an impression at a crucial meeting and what kind of impession would you be looking to make?
*would you look like that to go see your folks?
* how about dressing like that to see your inlaws to be?
*need I even ask about going to see a minister, senator, governor or the president?
*and those nails … *fill in the blank space
*did you come to check the guy or the girl next to you out, or to seek the face of God?
*why are we so in a hurry to be done with service?
*do we even understand the song we are dancing ‘azonto’ to or we are just making a party of it?
I can go on.

Again, I’m not judging anyone because I bet I’m not half as holy. I just think we have taken the expression “come as you are” to another level. Church has become like another social gathering of class and status where we dress looking to impress the other party. So did I prefer church when it was mainly for the ‘holier than thous’? No! I believe in evolution and being in vogue without a question. But no matter how you make poundo yam, it will NEVER be like pounded yam. The real deal. I believe there is a meeting point though. Look back;
If you grew up in church in the 90s, you will understand the picture I’m about to paint:
There was something about church. There was a sense of conviction. We were aware of good and evil. Heaven and hell could never be mistaken. We could quote verses of the bible and would confidently pray for ourselves and even our elders when the need arose. There was a genuine sense of remorse when we went wrong. Lying even scared us as we did it. Our conscience was alive and alert. When someone who was ‘in the world’ came to church, he/she felt and saw the difference. The glory of God and his presence was unmistakable.
But today, every service feels like the same thing. The only difference is that the praise was more upbeat last week, the choir is wearing a new attire this week, what kind of noise they make in the name of ministering in songs and the pastor on the pulpit next week will be a new guy.
The idea was to open the gates of the church to welcome the needy, but it looks like we opened the gates for the church to head out. Maybe that’s why there is hardly genuine repentance anymore. That’s why unbelievers are not thrilled to come in and believe anymore. Because it seems like we have no belief, no stand ourselves.
So the next time we go to church, let’s think about these words and sought out our own salvation with fear and trembling.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

DEAR DIARY – She loves me

Wednesday 5th of June 2013

Dear Diary,
So I was watching an episode of “The Big Bang Theory” where Lenard said “I love you” to Penny just after a love-making session, and she did not respond. It caused such a fight and so many times. It eventually made them call off the relationship. Yes! There were some other underlying issues, but they were minor, I’m sure you have seen a movie too where a couple had a similar situation, and as such they questioned their feelings.
Half of me felt for them and their dilenma, but the other half could not help but laugh and say to myself “Oyibo people no go kill me. Make themn come Naija na, con dey vex say person no say I love you back.” Then it hit me;
Hve you noticed how easy it is for us to say those words “I love you” without checking to see if we mean it at all. But you know what’s worse?
It’s even more amazing how a guy is right on top of another woman or vice versa and they take a call or place one to the man/woman they are betrothed to, have a conversation while swaying back and forth in motion and at the end, say “I love you”.
Sometimes, I think Americans are disturbingly gullible, but some other times, I admire just that.
Sometimes I worry for us. I fear true love aka genuine affection for someone has gone with the wind. Maybe one of the major floods actually washed it away.
A friend once asked me;
F: Chioma why do you like me?
I searched in my heart and I could not find any particular reason. So I replied
Chioma: I can’t point out a thing. I just do.
And she smiled and said nothing. So I asked in turn
Chioma: So why do you like me?
I didn’t exactly expect her to say the same thing I did. Infact, I was expecting specifics. And specifics I did get, only not anything I imagined. She said
F: because you like me.
At first I didn’t take it anymore seriously, but as time went by, I got to understand how dangerous those words were. I also made sense of something else she said.
F: you are my friend, but I am not your friend.
Read that line with intent 3times and you will understand it’s gravity.
Today I appreciate the honesty of those words. Today, as I listen to the sound of the pouring rain, see the unending thunderstorm and lightening by my window, I search for simple things and sincerity. I search for that innocence we once had that made us run around the house naked but ever so comfortable. I reminisce. I remember how we would come out to fetch rain water from the bends on the zinc of our roofs and play inside the rain. We knew we’d get cold and probably sick after, but at that very moment, we threw care to the wind and love the rain truly. Our romance was pure and simple and though the end had terrible consequences, we lived for the moment. The moment when we would sing and dance and run to and fro. The moment when it will shower and then pour down heavily. We we see lightening and time the roar of thunder only for us to scream when it came and wait to see if there’s more.
Today I rejoice, that I left a man who was a party all by himself, but who said to me “I like you very much, but you love me”
*dreamy smile*
Today I renew my vow to never say “I love you” or “I am inlove with you” if I don’t mean it.
Today I am reassured that I am a hopeless romantic and it has bitten me in the butt and boobs so many times. It has taken pieces of my heart, but I am healing and will give it all again when ‘HE’ shows up.
So the next time you say “I LOVE YOU”, take a deep breath and be sure you mean it.
And if you say it and you don’t get a reply, … Well, it’s one of these reasons
*he/she doesn’t YET love you
*he/she doesn’t love you and it’s not going to happen
*he or she is not sure what they feel
*dem no wan lie
*dem no hear
*dem dey try tell you something
If your case doesn’t fall in any of these categories, mehn O Y O!
But don’t be quick to judge and write them off.
Analyse, but don’t over-analyse.
And if you are true to youeself, you will know why you didn’t get it back.
There’s most importantly, something called COMMUNICATION and TIMING.
But be grateful if they leave because they don’t love you esp. If you are not hitched yet. Because as they say;
“A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage”
MARRIAGE!!! Matter for another day.

P.s: the rain don stop. It’s all so quiet. I can hear the ticking of my clock and the dripping of water from a corner of the roof. *grinning*
Shhhh! *smile* I just heard the babe upstairs cough. Awwww!
I’m so wide awake, it’s disturbing. It’s a day like this I’d do anything to be cuddled. Errrmmm… Almost anything. *wink*

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

DEAR DIARY – AN ODE TO THE LOST

Sunday 02 June 2013

Dear Diary,
The weekend has been so eventful but not in a good way. Between the shocking news I woke up to on Saturday morning; the death of Kirk Anthony of Smoothfm -i still don’t believe it honestly- and the memorial of the 153 Dana Air Crash Victims -and that’s just the number of people on the flight, not to mention the people on the ground who lost their lives and those who lost properties-
It was too much for me and gave rise to my one thousand and one (1001) thoughts. I know we radio personalities sometimes fake it. Some of us always have a persona when on air, so much that we think we make you really believe we are sweet, nice and whatever we want to come off as. But as I listened to people call in and talk about their encounters with Kirk on the radio and in person, as they played excepts of his drops, sweeps and skits, His voice so rich and welcoming, genuine and his laugh, ever so hearty. Kirk’s voice could never be mistaken.
I didn’t know him in person, but I felt like I did as did a lot of people. He was not just ‘a loss’ he was ‘the loss’.
I started to wonder like many times before, if I have done enough to provoke such emotions in people. Have I done enough to make strangers -just on hearing about me- feel like they knew me and I meant a lot? Have I left -as they say- an ‘indelible mark’ on my present surrounding at least? How long or how often would I be missed if and when I’m gone?
Funny thing, death never sends a text or calls or leave some kind of information saying “I’m on my way” or “I’ll be there shortly”. It just happens to us. It just comes and takes away. It has no regard and pays no attention to timing or status, to age or looks, to merit or class. “Death has no respect for person”.
So as I make it into and through another day by his grace, I must make an effort to do good and be the best of me. To put my back in whatever I do and leave my autograph on each and everyone I come across, no matter how little.
And on my job, I must have at the back of my mind that no matter how little, I hold people’s lives in my hands and it could be anybody. Because if the Dana Air officials imagined that one of their family member’s would be on that plane or on the ground it crashed, they would have made a conscious effort to fix the engine and double check the condition of the plane before it took off.
So be you a janitor, if you feel the floor is to slimy because you put too much chemical and imagined that your mother would miss a step there, you would fix it. Be you a doctor, if you imagined that young man losing blood, you were too indifferent to attend to because there don’t have enough money could be your brother, you would do something to save him even if momentarily. Be you a C.E.O, you put yourself in the shoes of the staff you have not paid salaries in months just because you can, while you fly around the world with chics who don’t even understand the word ‘modesty’ or ‘moderation’. If you imagined you were that common employee and the breadwinner of the home with huge responsibilities to shoulder and not more that one thousand, five hundred naira (N1,500) in your name home and abroad, you would make haste to put a smile on their faces. Be you in charge of hiring, if you thought of threatening that young girl trying to fend for her family, asking her for sex if she wants the job and you reminded yourself that could be your sister, your daughter, even your wife, you would do the right thing.
Today I keep in mind the saying “live today like it’s your last.” Knowing I can’t please everyone, but I sure can endeavour to do the right thing and be the best of me. I can give my widow’s mite and be glad I did it for me. I can show a little love and care for and to someone today. I can share a smile, say something nice to someone, say a little prayer for someone and just check in to see if an old friend is okay.
Today I also pledge to be more lenient with people. To be calmer on the roads -especially Lagos roads *rollingmyeyes*- to control my temper a little more, to say “please”, “thank you” and “sorry” a little more knowing that it doesn’t cost a thing, but it can stop a war. I’m not perfect and can’t be overnight, but I can make an effort to be good and pray I only go in my time.
My heart goes out to all who have lost someone recently and to all who are still hurting from a loss of a while ago. May God grant you the fortitude to bear the loss and encourage you through it all.
God bless us all.

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Natural ways to improve your complexion

Good morning and welcome to a fruitful, rewarding and favoured week!

So my friend wrote an article that I feel would interest a lot of ladies. -Guys you should read this too as you will be able to provide brilliant options for all the thousands ladies collect to buy one cream.#cuttingcostthings lol!
Please do read, learn and enjoy!!!

Natural ways to improve your complexion
By Celine Momoh-Sanni

A woman’s complexion is a big deal to her, most women I know are taken by appearance and their natural colour. Women fuss about their complexion a lot. White women want tans and sit in the sun for hours. Black women don’t want tans and avoid the sun. Women cannot seem to make up their minds. The bottom line is that every woman is looking for how to improve her complexion because looking good boosts self confidence.

Our complexions are a function of how much exposure we have to the sun. People living in sunny areas have darker complexion usually because they produce more quantities of melanin in their skin. Melanin is a protein molecule that protects against the sun exposure making the skin look dark in colour. The more exposure to the sun the darker it becomes.

On the complexion colour spectrum, women have various preferences. Among black women, some dark women want to maintain what they have while some want to look a shade or more lighter than they are. Same goes for fair women. In this write up, my aim is to give you tips on how to achieve the complexion you desire.

In my experience, I meet more women who want to be fairer and there are many ways to achieve that. The following basic tips will go a long way to achieving the complexion of your dreams.

It is common to find women who want fairer skin buying harmful creams to achieve what they want. They end up with damaged skin which would take time and lots of money to repair. However there are natural products that can help to achieve the desired results.

The list below comprises of some of these natural products that will improve skin complexion and help you look better:

1. Lemon: Lemon is often used to improve skin complexion. It is a naturally safe bleaching agent and can be applied to the skin directly or can be mixed with honey and applied. Leave on for a few minutes then rinse off. Do this three times in a week. It helps in removing the tan on the skin and makes the skin look fairer. Remember to apply a good moisturiser after baths. We don’t want our skin looking dry.

2. Cucumber: Cucumber can be applied directly to the skin. You may scrub your face with the cucumber slices and then apply the juice of the cucumber, leave it on for some time before washing it off. This is a very good firming and anti-ageing agent. It works against wrinkles.

3. Oatmeal: Oatmeal can be used to improve skin complexion. Mix it with tomato juice and some yogurt and apply this mixture. Leave it on for some time and then wash. This combination is a very good exfoliator. It gently buffs off dead skin cells from the surface of the skin thereby revealing a newer, smoother and more glowing skin.

4. Egg: Egg white can be applied to the skin and left till it dries. Then rinse off. Its a natural firming mask. It can be done daily.

5. Almond: Soak few almonds in little milk over the night. Grind this in the morning and make a paste. Use this paste and apply over the skin. Wash after a while. Using almonds regularly helps keep the skin moisturised and supple.

6. Vitamin E: Vitamin E is essential for a healthy skin. Include this vitamin in your diet or apply vitamin E by breaking a capsule directly on the skin. Its serves as sun protection for the skin.

Aside from following these tips to improve skin complexion, it is important to eat a healthy diet. The diet should consist of vitamins and minerals required by the body to stay healthy and fit. Eat fish, nuts, carrots, spinach, broccoli and sweet potatoes. Also drink plenty of water to keep the skin clean and to improve skin complexion.

Remember to exfoliate, moisturize and protect your skin from the sun and pollutants.

http://www.the7thheavenspa.­com

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IS THIS CHEATING TOO?

Is it really cheating if I spend more time with Tj because he gets me more than my boyfriend does?
Is it cheating if I tell my male friend about the fantasies and escapades I’m too embarassed to tell me husband about?
I really like Uche but he has this idea that sex is wrong but giving him a head is okay. So I shag Felix and stay close to Uche. Can that be cheating?
Ernest is so sweet, but his sex is uncomfortable. So because I truly love him, when we get down, I imagine I’m with Jerry. What’s wrong with that? Afterall, I will never sleep with Jerry NEVER!
So what if I’m married to Solomon and if I have a challenge, the first number I dial is Alvin’s? He is my bosom friend. He would understand.
Is it okay to want to say goodnight to Ray right before I call it a day and contemplate doing same for my love?
Ben and I are so close. Not to mention, we are in the same career path so am I cheating if he’s the first person I want to share any news with and if I wonder “what would Ben do?” First before I think of my man?
Is it okay to have him by your side, but when you can’t sleep, you ping ‘you know who’?
What if I just have fantasies? Naughty thoughts about someone else. Someone I know I can never have. Is that cheating?
Just recently, my friend had an argument with his wife over me. *coveringface*
-No he didn’t spend the night with me. And hell No! It was nothing close.-
He was really vexed, as was she.
Let’s back track a little shall we?
So when I met Akan, I had no idea he was married. -not to say that I was planning anything. I’m not such a maniac o!-
Akan is so cool. He gets me. We chat on bbm, gist on the phone, we talk about everything. And then one day, he calls and says to me “it’s my wedding anniversary!”
For a few seconds, I couldn’t find my words. All I could come up with was “you are married? Are you serious? Are you for real?” That’s all I kept saying.
PAUSE
Like I said there was no chemistry, physics or biology brewing between us. Not then, not now, not ever! -No! Nothing is wrong with him.- he’s just the kind of person who’ll turn out to be a timeless buddy. -atleast that’s how I see him-
So my shock was not disappointment, I had no hopes or dreams. It just felt like I walked in on my brother and his wife right in the middle of the ‘do’.
Okay maybe that’s too much. But I swear I didn’t see it coming. And it truly was a big deal for me. “Why?”
Well because when I deal with married friends -particularly men- , I have rules:
I. Be free but know your boundaries
II. Be careful how expressive you both are especially when sex is involved. -not the act between you two o!-
-now the reason for this is simple;
You know how someone tries to describe a meal and how amazing it tastes, your mouth starts to water and you begin to drool? You yearn for it. And if the opportunity avails itself, you will take the plunge?
That’s exactly how it all starts. You think because he or she is married, it’s fine to say it all and it ALMOST is. Only you don’t factor in the chances that you two are going to get so comfy in each other’s heads that you begin to belong there -or believe that you do-. And if you live alone, you know how after a hard day’s work, you are so happy to be back home that you start getting undressed right at the door? Well it becomes natural to start taking off your clothes as soon as you get a chance to see or talk to him/her. -and I dont mean literally o!- It feels like home and you just want to blurt out any and everything that pops into your head. “Toye I’m so horny right now eh, I just want to ravish a man.”
“Gina I have hard a hard-on all day. I just want to unleash it. I want to be the kind of wild that my wife can’t handle”
And both or either of you begin to give details of exactly what you are thinking and paint images in each other’s head.
You are so comfortable that neither one stops to know if the other can handle that kind of information today.
-you know there are some days you can handle anything and there are some other days your hormones are raging or you are just so turned on that at the slightlest tug, you are good to go-
So there’s the canvass, you paint the picture.
III. Anything after 8pm, don’t be calling him or her.
I made that rule to respect the privacy of the couple. I think that whether your wife knows me or not -and a lot of times, I make sure she does so there are no shady ideas- I should accord her the respect of letting you both have family time. In fact, if I call you at 8pm or tried to chat with you at the time, it must be for something serious and urgent and not just because I’m bored.
And if you try to chat with me at that time, my first questions are “what’s up, you okay?” And “are you home?” If both come back as “Yes!”
Then I’m concerned for both of us. Just because I’m a woman too and no man or woman would be happy to know their husband or wife is sitting/laying next to them and chatting with another man/woman.
IV. Hanging out every once in a while is cool. But if it becomes frequent or you want to meet me in places that are too private, I begin to turn down the invitations.
-surely you can understand why.-
V. If I’m close to both of you and if your wife is ‘exposed’ and ‘open-minded’, I like to talk about some of my intimate issues when she is there.
-i think it breeds a level of trust with her and respect. I also think it helps both parties one way or another. But only if she seems flexible.-
I start by threading softly. Some minor, slightly sensitive issues. See how she tackles it, then we can build from there.
VI. When a case is brought/shared with me by my male married friend, one thing I try to do is make him see a lady’s side or point of view or understanding.
– truth be told, we both think differently and most times aim for the same thing. So as right as he may be -or he thinks he is-, it would be nice for him to see her angle. And if it turns out she’s wrong anyways, there are ways to tackle the situation and get through to her.

These are some of my rules when ‘befriending’ a married man. And I do have quite a number of them.
Now back to my story:
So Akan took me by surprise. But it wasn’t all his fault. See when I meet a man and we start talking, one of the first questions I always ask them is if they are married.
-Now I know for some people, that just sounds cheezy. I also know it gives some guys ideas. But I do it for my own good. I ask so I know my boundaries as well as yours. I ask so we can start out right. And yes! I ask so if you are really fine and cool, I can rearrange my brain in good time.-
But I don’t know how it happened, I totally forgot to ask Akan. I just assumed he wasn’t or maybe for some reason, it just didn’t matter. And as such, we would talk on his way to work, at the office, on his way back, even late into the night. We would chat on bbm, exchange calls and mails, the works. So imagine how I felt when he said he was married. I felt like digging the ground to bury myself.
I finally comported myself and wished him well. We had a conversation about it and when he told me his wife knew about me and invited me over to their house, I felt safe.
-incase I have not mentioned, I have never set my eyes on Akan till date. I’m not sure why, but I haven’t . What’s worse is that we both live in Lagos and go to the same church.-
So we were cool. We kept our relationship going, only now I put up the boundaries -atleast as best as I could-. And all was well. Well… Until…
One tuesday morning, my phone beeped. It was a bbm from Akan with an angry smiley.
-‘Angry smiley!’ Why is it called a smiley if it shows anger? Hmmm! #shrug#-
That was a very rare happening. Infact I think I have only gotten an angry ‘face’ from him once and it was worthy of the situation.
Just as I was about to reply him with a “what’s wrong?”, he pings “I’m pissed” -like duh! No be wetin the smiley mean? *stickingtongueout*-
So I just asked and waited and …
Before I tell you what happened to him that morning, let’s talk about the day before.
So the night before, I was having a chat with my sister and in the course of that, I mentioned Akan and his idea on a particular matter and guess who pings me? Akan!
Naturally, we started gisting and all, but not for too long. He was sulking because I hadn’t checked on him all day. I had no idea what time it was. I didn’t know until the morning in question.
Now back to that eventful morning;
“My wife and I just had an argument about you. And I’m very annoyed.”
“About me?”
Trust me, I didn’t see that coming at all. Especially since she knew about me. So again I asked “why?”
As soon as I read the words “Last night…” It hit me. I immediately scrolled up. What was I looking for? Timeline. That’s the first thing that I could think of. And I was right on the money.
OMG! Akan pinged me at about 10pm and I had no idea. I was so carried away with having a good time, between talking to my sister and him.
Now it sounds like no big deal abi? But let’s read between the lines.
What would you do in her shoes?
You’ve heard about this lady that’s your husband’s friend, you’ve never seen her, but not only has he made references of her -maybe at odd times and with naughty jokes “oh Chioma is so mischievious! Can you imagine what she said/did…”-, you sometimes read his chats with her and hear him on the phone even. And that night, you needed some kind of attention and you were giving off the vibes. But ‘uncle’ was just not getting it. Infact, he was totally distracted by something else. More annoyingly, while you were sulking, he was giggling at his phone. *raisingeyebrow*
So you go to bed after waiting forever and he just didn’t ‘send’ you. You wake up with a frown because you felt ignored last night and the thought occurs “who was he even talking to sef?”
So you pick up his phone and… “I should have guessed as much” you say to yourself with a snort.
All this is happening while ‘uncle’ is in the bathroom, whistling away and anticipating a good day.
He gets out and the questions start popping. It starts off as subtle and casual and he answers almost uninterested. Then the accusations begin. At this point he is amused.
PAUSE
Men tend to be amused when they sense their woman is jealous and I wonder why. I mean I do get the joke, but this is a good time to tell you;
WARNING:
DO NOT LAUGH AT A WOMAN FOR BEING JEALOUS!!!
A man can be mocked at a time like this, but a woman takes it very personal. Making jest of a woman who feels like another woman is trying to steal her man or usurp her authority, that another woman is even considering or should I say checking out her man alone in ways that she deems inappropriate can induce a volcanic eruption. Ask any lady, she’ll tell you I’m right.
#moving on
Na so the small matter degenerate into big one. As the guy vex, e con dey talk wetin e no mean. “Yes I have ‘do’ her. We also spend time together…” Things and things.
He went on because she questioned his trustworthiness and he interpreted it as her accusing him of cheating. -we both know that when a guy is wrongly accused or insinuations are made, it can go either way. In this case, Akan was hurt and as such, wanted to get back at her with the one thing that makes or breaks a woman. WORDS!
In his words “we said some unprintable words on skype”
P.s: Now person no need family members again. Just with internet, you can start and continue the fight anytime, anywhere.
Seriously though, I know you are wondering “Chioma what did you do about the matter?”
Truth? I went mute. I stayed away for a few days. Didn’t call, didn’t text, nothing.
No! I didn’t leave my friend to high and dry. I just did what anyone should do in my shoes because if you are not careful, ‘na you dem go take settle fight’. It was too delicate an issue and with a woman who doesn’t know you from Adam.
See for a woman, cheating is not just when you sleep with another woman, it starts way before that.
I. If the lady’s look lingers on you and you ‘let her’
II. If you smile (knowingly or unknowingly) at the thought or mention of another woman. -even if na her sense of humour you remember-
III. If you look at her twice or let the look last for more than 2seconds. -even if na the colour riot wey she wear or the terrible make-up you dey size-
IV. If you as much as begin to pay attention to what the other lady says. E.g “honey, Lilly said I should not wear that colour again, that it makes me look pale”
V. If they find you dedicating time to her or focusing when she is involved. -it doesn’t matter if na for fone or in person-
VI. If by some chance, she sees, hears of or comes across anything with the other woman’s name or signature when she is mad at you. -you call it transferred agression, but when na woman matter, we call it narrowing down the problem-
There are very minut details we pay attention to that will shock you.
This is a good time to say that not all women are like that, but every woman in love with you has the tendency to be with the right trigger.
Here’s the funny part;
You will not believe the coincidence, but I think the very same day, his car was burgled and his phones and laptop taken.
If you ask me, I’ll say that’s the power of a hurt woman. As we say “her head catch am” *lipssealed* #ifyouaskme
In all of this, I learnt my lessons;
I. Marriage na wisdom
II. Cheating get levels
III. I was right to make those rules.
But not to worry, my friend is still my friend. Him and his wife probably settled that night with some very hot sex.*wink* Point is they did.
Only now, I’m not sure if and when I will be meeting the couple in person. Before my big, bold, beautiful and incredibly sexy self go make either one of them second guess the friendship. *winkingandpoppingcollar*
Don’t hate joor, appreciate!

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I would like to sincerely apologise for not putting up any posts lately.
I have been very indisposed. Not to mention that I have been in positions I cannot even describe.
I have missed you so much and have so much to tell you. So within the day, I will let you in on one of the most recent happenings in my life.
#plsdontjudgeme o!

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HELL YEAH, IGNORANCE IS BLISS PT. 2

HELL YEAH Pt 2

So Aaron and I hit it off again, but this time some things were different. He still got busy, only now I didn’t expect much. But he would surprise me by just calling out of the blues. And trust me, they were very welcomed surprises.

We got closer in some weird way or maybe we just got more comfortable. In all, we gave each other space and would often just pleasantly surprise each other with a call, ping and reply.

We also bumped into each other a little more at studios. Gradually, Aaron started talking about us seeing and hanging out maybe. I would act like I didn’t care for that at all, but my goodness, I was stoked at the taught. Yes! I still really had the hots for him.

At some point, our ‘thing’ -whatever it was between us- became steady and comfortable. So cool, it was now okay to blush at the thought of him and I could largely let my guards down.

So after a lot of rescheduling -on my part mostly- one day, I agreed to go to his place. It was so fine and he was quite the host. -or so I thought- Lovely house, colours picked out, the gadgets, the works. It was cozy, very much so.

The way we were going by now, I had started imagining quite a few things.

PAUSE:

I know you’ve been asking yourself, where is Chioma? She hasn’t given personal opinions about anything yet. No vex! This is that kind of experience you are buried in while you recount it all and I didn’t want you to be distracted. I was too soaked in the moment.

I have been going on about how hot and fine Aaron is right? Yes! I wanted him for keeps but we both know it goes beyond that.

You know how a guy sees a girl first by her boobs, butts, shape, face and probably the colour of her skin? Well a chic does that too. When we set our eyes on a guy, one of the first things we say when they get our attention is “do-able or not do-able?”

Ladies you know what I’m talking about. And then after a good conversation, all depending on the conversation, we decide if push comes to shove, whether we want to go the mile with him. There and then, we know how much ‘shakara’ we want to do and where to draw the line. How long we want to wait and what sign we are waiting for.

“Where is all this going?”

The first time I saw Aaron, I wanted to have his babies. I used to say in my head “if you bear kids so fine, even if you no get money, you have paved a way for them.” Lol! You sef know say na true I dey talk. There are some kids you see and you wish they were yours cause their ‘fineness’ would pave ways for them.

But beyond the kids, I just wanted to ‘do’ that guy *nowcoveringfaceinshame* I did! I wanted to ‘do’ him, wake up the next morning with the smile of satisfaction and say to myself “yes! I can say I know what it’s like to have you”

I know that sounds vain, but we all have felt that way at one point in time or the other. I just imagined him tender and sweet and was hoping to be surprised by his roughness too. Yep! It’s a thrill to be A LITTLE rough around the edges.

So absolutely! I wanted to have him in bed too. But I genuinely liked him.

Now back to the story.

So I went with him and settled in nicely, still taking in the decors and all he had put in to make the house look so good and ‘comfy’. After a few minutes, he called out to me, told me to join him in the kitchen.

-i LOVE it when a man cooks for me. I am a pretty good cook but to say the least, but it’s always a thrill and a plus for the guy if he takes his time to make me something -even if na ordinary noodles sef- I just appreciate the effort and I’m drawn to him a little more. The little charms!-

So he called me to the kitchen and when I got there, -thinking uncle will ask me what I want to eat or say “this is what I could make” or somthing- he said: “I don’t know what you would like, but I have noodles and there’s rice and small fresh tomatoes. The kitchen is all yours. Cook anything you want.” And with a tap on my shoulder, -like a small girl- he headed for the door. I stood rooted at the very spot for some seconds. I was in shock.

-WT*! What crap! Huh? You invite me over, we agreed to see on this very day. I kept you updated to the point I was heading to you. And after a busy day, you send me to the kitchen to cook. As what na?

Do you know how mad I was? Let me paint a picture: you know the cartoons where tom is so angry that his entire head turns red and smoke is coming out of his ears? That’s how angry I was. And who wouldn’t be?-

At first I thought he was joking, but he was for real. He just went on to another conversation with me from the other room, like nothing happened.

I thought of what to do. I decided that playfully, or seriously, I would not confront him. Like an inspection officer though, I opened my notebook in my head and made a comment. Then I went into the fridge, saw some drinks and took one. -i have to admit though, I was very hungry. Was too busy to get around to it earlier.-

Came out and joined him and we continued our conversation. When he asked what I was making, I said I hadn’t made up my mind what I was in the mood for. He is quite a conversationalist. I always enjoy the chats and his sense of humour is on the money. So we were in his bedroom.

Pause!

Before you judge me, he lived alone and the living area was empty. All the gadgets were there. His room was the living area really. And I had made it past the 5minute rule.

“Please tell me you know about the 5minute rule?”

OMG! You don’t? Okay, I will tell you;

The rule states that when you go into a friends house, for the first 5minutes, you are still a total stranger -if not to the person, to the space- so you have to be at your best behaviour. You sit right, you don’t fiddle with anything, you just stay. After 5minutes, you can get comfortable. You can move around and get familiar. Get it?-

So, there were no chairs in the room, just a bed. The AC was on and there was a duvet. So I cozied in as was the plan. He finished up with what he was doing and joined me. At first, the space was respected. But as the gist, laughs and all went by, he kind of closed the gap between us. Me? I wasn’t complaining o! The temperature in that room, was one that could only feel right with exchange of body heat. And the food matter was too small to make me stop wanting him -atleast for now. After, my eye go clear back joor-

So the body heat was very welcomed and I was looking forward to the roving hands which would soon spring into action. I was until they came *nowcoveringface*

… I … You… It’s … I don’t know what to say.

There are quite a few things I wouldn’t mind about. But this is one of my ‘No No’s!

His hands felt so wrong. They were irritatingly curly. That’s the only way I can explain it.

Okay let me try again;

Have you ever felt uncomfortable with a girl’s hands because they were too firm or hard or rough on your skin? Well, this guy’s hands were the extreme opposite. So they were to curly and tickly in a bad way and felt wet. Like eeeewwww!

Please don’t get me wrong. You want a guy’s hands to be tender but to an extent. You want it to be manly but gentle on you. Every once a while though, it should have a firm grip. These ones made you feel like a cold clingy worm was crawling all over your body. The thought of it is making me cringe right now. I mean I just caught myself making a sick face as the images flashed through my mind. Please tell me you feel me or you have an idea at least.

So there I was making faces as I was partially backing him. Half of me just wanted to up and go, but the other half was encouraging me to keep reading the book. Sometimes, if you are patient enough to get past the first few pages, you will find out why it’s a Bestseller. So in my head, I was debating it all. Should I? Should I not? I was always already feeling so irky with those hands, I wanted it to stop before I say something to hurt his feelings.

“I bet he makes up for these horrible hands with a BIG chocolate bar” I thought.

 

WARNING!!!

This part of the story is R18.

Reader’s discretion is advised!

I felt a wet lingering on my right shoulder, “ermmm…” I thought, unsure of how I felt about that.

Then the wetness began tracing it’s way up my neck. “Oh Crap!” I thought now. Something was wrong.

-How do I explain this to you? Okay let’s try this;

Foreplay can be so amazing, you’ll beg for it to linger. And sometimes, all your ‘horny’ is over before they go too far. Some guys are amazing kissers and others just sloppy. And when I say ‘guys’ I mean ladies and men. Some guys peck you on the cheek and leave a disturbing wetness there.

-make you no vex say I dey very critical o! It7ks just that kissing is an act, as is foreplay and sex. And enjoying the process is key-

So as he traced his way up my neck, he left a yucky, wet trail. At this point, I knew I was going to bend my rules.

-see I’m a kisser. I’m devoted and I take my time. Kissing is so important for me, I can’t even tell you. But if I was going to remain here and keep going, I just knew I would not let him kiss me. “No drooling in my mouth, thank you very much!”-

I would peck and all, but no kissing please. Nope! I wasn’t even looking forward to … Well, let’s just say I wanted to end this foreplay. So the plan was to move over to the comforter. The one that would make the pain, vex and irritation all go away. Might man Junior!

And just as I knew he would, -like a lot of guys like to do- he took my hand straight to the chambers to ‘feel’ the rising of the great warrior. -to be honest, at this point the desert was all that was keeping me at this crappy restaurant. First course was a let down, main course is already all over the place, so I just hoped I would atleast get a good icecream for desert.

So there we were, partially talking and feeling each other up. I redirected my hand and he put it right back.

PAUSE

Why do men do that? Do you think we don’t know where to find it? If you con show me and I go anoda place, then be patient na. I don see where e dey. #justsaying

So this time I thought “you know what? Let’s just get this over with. Let’s open the package.”

I had no idea that I was opening pandora’s box.

So I went in to grab a good chunck of … You know na and … Nothing!

Ol’tallywhacker was … A baby carrot *nowcoveringeyes*

After crossing seven mountains and seven seas, after waiting patiently for the big reveal, all I got was a baby sucker. In my mouth, it’d look like I was smoking a joint.

-had 2 use that line finally! *grinning*-

But seriously, at this point I was furious. My eyes cleared from the high, I was turned off. I couldn’t believe this was all I was waiting for. I went in to grip again, just to be sure and as sure as the bed I was on, it was all there. My hand covered the whole thing.

It took a lot of courage to hold back from hissing or just barking at him for being so … So… Precise. So little.

And just before I could say those words, my phone rang. *Phew!*

T’was just some random bug o, but I told him the call was important and told J on the phone that I would be on my way immediately. Ofcourse J had no idea what I was talking about but who cares. My dear I quickly put on my sorry face and told him I had to go for work and it couldn’t wait.

“Wait a few minutes na” he said as he tried to nestle up to me again. But I was holding back my irritation on the last straw.

I let out a fake giggle “you know how these producers can be. The client is there right now and everyone is waiting for me. Don’t worry, if I’m done in good time, I’ll come back and even stay the night sef”

Me ke? How naa? Anything to get me out of there before something gives me away. I escaped the covers and headed for the door, still playing the “ohhhhh! Why now?” Card.

As I drove off, all I could think of was howfast all his ‘hotness’ went cold. How grateful I was that J called and for the first time in a very long while, the call was appreciated. Infact, if I saw J at that very moment, I would hug him so tight, he’d collapse.

I later called him back to say a big thank you, but couldn’t explain why. I wouldn’t want to bring down a man before another.

I talked to myself all the way home. I couldn’t laugh. Disappointment drowned me. Not a thing seemed funny about my experience. And as expected, the thought that he was going to make me cook on top now made me mad.

I made it home and just stared at the t.v for the rest of the evening with all the images flashing in quick succession and over and over again.

Who could I tell about this? Ben? Hmmm! Okay Jerry. No!

Aaron called me later, but it was my turn to ignore his calls and not return his messages.

As I write, I feel really sorry for him as he never could guess why I never agreed to hook up with him again. I would still talk to him on the phone, but only if he tried to reach me first.

If only I had kept my distance. If only I had continued to admire him from a vantage point. If only…

So I hope with these few points of mine, I have been able to convince you and not confuse you, that IGNORANCE IS indeed BLISS.

*Sadface*

HELL YEAH, “IGNORANCE IS BLISS”!!!

You know the saying right? I bet a lot of times you think NOT.

You think; “it’s better to know than to have no idea because it might come to bite you in the butt”

In truth, I used to agree with that school of thought absolutely.  But after what I’m about to tell you, you might want to ask yourself that question again.

So I met Aaron about 3years ago on the job. He was soooooo FINE! He was tall, caramel skinned and very hot I might add. I was the back-up singer for Asa and we had an event on the island. As was tradition, we got there in good time for ‘dress rehearsal’. –now most times, what happens is that by the time we finally get to rehearse, it will be almost time for the show proper to begin, leaving us barely time to head back home and change. So the plan a lot of times is to bring your change of clothes along with you. Clothes, jewelry, make-up, the works.-

Rehearsals were over and we were just waiting around and watching others do their thing. Aaron was part of the crew that put the show together.  He came around and we all got talking. Long story cut short, we hit it off and exchanged numbers and blackberry pins.

I must confess I had the ‘hots’ for him. Besides the fact that he was so so so cute and charming, he had quite a way with words. On a good day, I would just come out with it. Tell him I dig him or something –speaking of which; why is it wrong for a babe to ask a guy out or tell him how she feels about him.  Why do they get turned off? What’s the idea behind that? And please don’t give me that sermon about the ‘coolness of being the chaser’. I just don’t buy it, so if you can; please help me at the end of this story. I would absolutely appreciate it.-  BUT, I had to be careful. I didn’t want to spook him. I mean if he didn’t dig me same way or he had a girlfriend -which I no go lie, I wouldn’t have minded stealing him away from-, I would still want to keep him as my friend. -one that I’d cherish and just crush on in my spare time *wink*. So we talked a few times and ever so briefly but he was quite a busy bee and would most times not return calls and messages. I was begining to feel like a stalker, so I just stopped. I stayed away.

-and in truth, I became angry. Angry because this time, I treaded ever so carefully just so I don’t ruin it and he just went off the radar. I was hurt joor.-

Almost two years down the line, I walked into a mutual friends studio and sitting on the engineer’s seat was this fine man.

-i must confess, my heart leapt with joy but I caught it almost immediately, reminding myself how it went the last time.-

I stared at him for a few seconds before I decided to say ‘hi’ and as officially as I could. He tried to smile and be all playful, but I stopped him on his tracks.

Aaron: hello darlyn! Ah ah guy! You know this babe?

He stretched out to pull me in for a hug. I gave him the hand.

-i mean seriously! Do I look twelve to you? You don’t go AWOL on me and now, just because you see me with mutual friends who hold me in high esteem, you want to form farmiliar. Abegi!-

So I had my straight face or should I say my ‘game face’ on. -oh! You should see that face. It is not to be messed with. Infact, I should act more. You need to see me when I’m not in the mood for nonsense. It’s worse when there are people that I like and/or respect in the same room. I swear you’ll think you both are in two different rooms. The clear distinction of Good and Evil. And the worst part is I do not apologise for it.-

I’m sometimes called a smiley. That’s because I light up the room as I walk in. I make jokes, I hug, laugh, I peck, I sweet talk… You name it. I’m very jovial. That’s what makes me ME! So people just can’t wrap their heads around me Chioma being mad at anyone. When I’m at the radio station, it’s different. It gets really crazy. No one sees who is not doing their job or who just bombed at theirs. It’s us the on-air personality on air at the moment that’s held accountable for any and every hiccup. Point is, we get to throw tantrums and be drama queens/kings, so we can be sane and have it together when we put on the mic. But no one takes that personal. It’s a coping mechanism. So it was really strange to see this side of me.

I think Aaron thought I was joking too, but soon enough, especially when he saw how surprised the other guys were, it hit him that I was not kidding.

-yeah yeah! I see you rolling your eyes and saying “Chioma ah ah! So he went AWOL. You are acting like he already dated you and broke your heart.”

Whatever! *wavingthehandlikebabesdo*

You don’t understand;

I was literally drooling over this guy when we met and we had … Something at the least. If I had been all up in his face or just come out with how I felt, I would have understood him disappearing. He would have all the excuses in the world. I behaved myself. Infact, he was the one who would get all naughty and all. So in fact, it really did hurt that he bailed on me before I even got a chance to mess up.

Plus -make I no lie- this was my own way of putting up a fight against all the butterflies dancing in my tummy when I saw him. It’s called ‘Defense mechanism’. – so last last, I was just chicken and trying to cover it-

Anyways, Aaron saw I was not playing and tried to beg me. He begged for my audience and -after all the ‘shakara’ at first- I gave in. He took me to a quiet place and started out to explain. He tried to come up with excuses.

“I just had a lot on my mind. I was messed up… I didn’t mean to be like that…”

He knew he had no good reason, so he just begged for forgivness.

-Ohhh, my heart was somersaulting. Whatever jazz he was using, was totally working I swear! Very little stopped me from just leaping over and planting a kiss on his lips.-

I forgave him. -abi na! How I for do? *popping collar and feeling very important*-  No! I was not just crushing. I was totally digging this guy. It’s not just for his fineness. I truly enjoy his company, conversation and sense of humour. Plus, he tried to explain how he sometimes just gets buried in work and you know how that can be sometimes.

-now you and I know I am just making excuses for him right? But please don’t judge me because I can bet that you have had to do it at one point or another. We all have. When you dig someone, things that have no justification whatsoever, suddenly have a perfect excuse. Every little stupid move becomes the most romantic gesture ever. Wait till you stop feeling for them and everything go become insult. Even genuine reasons will suddenly make no sense at all *wink*-

So, we kissed and made up. No joor! -As much as I wish we did literally- I forgave him and he promised to be a good boy. Lol!

That’s how Aaron and I rekindled our fire. But there’s more.

 

TO BE CONTINUED!

NOW, MY SEX STORY!

Participants:
————-
Chioma, S

Messages:
———
S:
Pls truthfully ans dis Q. Can a relationship work without SEX? I feel a man that loves u and have good intentions will never make sex a priority. Wat do u think?
Chioma:
I agree a man who luvs u ll not make it a priority. But we have to admit that sex has become a maker and breaker lately. Self Control is not what it used 2 be and pressure 4m ur peers as well as a lot oda kinds of pressure come into play.
Chioma:
Then there’s a question of values. What re ur values (both of u)? Wats ur sex life like (again both ways) n y r u witholdin it?
S:
Hmmmmm
S:
Dis is serious
Chioma:
It shud not b his rite or priority, but ur reasons 4 holdin back if u both r in a full blown rship.
S:
Well…
Chioma:
Well wat?
S:
Religion nko?
Chioma:
Now dats anoda tin
Chioma:
Is dis her 1st No-sex r/ship? Is she a virgin? Has she slept wit dis guy b4?
Chioma:
Did dey agree on this before dey went in2 d r/ship?

SEX!
Notice how you stopped when you saw the word?
If you were browsing through the pages of a book, looking at titles, flipping channels … and you just saw the word sex, you would stop.
It doesn’t make you a pervert. It’s just a human thing. It’s just normal, can’t be helped.
Funny thing is even the ones who are not crazy about sex -unlike some of us with the most incredible libidos known to man- still stop, check to know what is being shown or said about SEX.
It is so bad that I can almost bet that noone can say they noticed two (2) animals doing it or even chasing after each other to get some and they did not keep an eye on them for as long as they could. -search yourself and let him who is without sin cast the first stone. *stickingtongueout*- even if you are in a mad hurry, except you didn’t notice them, you must have stopped and paid atleast a little attention.
I can see someone cursing out at me and saying “Oh goodness Chioma! Get to it already. Tell us about you and him in bed. Tell me about your sex life.” I bet you have read a piece or two and said to yourself “I wonder what she’s like in bed”
Well for that, I have three (3) words “A plus MAZING” -wetin again you wan hear? Lol-
So now you are rolling your eyes and wondering “so what is this about?”
Okay let me tell you something else about my sex life:
You know how men say they want a Lady outside and a whore in bed? Well, let’s just say the lucky man -whoever he will be- can ‘Check’ that box. Infact, he better bring his ‘A’ game o! Or else eh…
-u wan hear more abi? Akproko!-
Seriously though, I think SEX is UNDERESTIMATED and OVERATED!
-this is a public announcement:
For the rest of this piece, please note that I’m playing Bruno Mars ‘Lazy Song’ and I simply have looped “Yes I said it! I said it! I said it cause I can!” That’s the only line I’m listening to. Therefore, reader’s discretion is adviced!!!
Now back to regular programming-
Half the time people talk about sex, they blow it so out of proportion and say it’s no big deal.
Have you noticed that when you are talking SEX to/about the woman/man you can’t have, you want to toot your horn like crazy? Think about it. To the one you probably can have, you are careful what you say, because you want to be able to do beyond their expectations.
I have so many questions about SEX;
*why do people mistake SEX for LOVEMAKING?
*what makes a man believe that he is the horniest of the two (2) genders?
*why are women too shy to tell the guys what to do or where to go to pleasure them?
*why shouldn’t I complain if he doesn’t know how to make me cum?
-it gets abit vulgar here-
*why is it that when a guy picks his phone and calls or texts her saying “hey! Wanna fuck?” Everyone thinks he’s cool and amazing and all. But if a girl did same, every calls her a ‘ho’?
*why can’t more guys hold back their orgasm until she cums -sorry the polite expression is ‘climax’?
* why does a guy think she’s slutty and it’s wrong for her to talk or curse out when he’s doing her?
* where did foreplay go?
*why is it okay for a guy to say he’s not interested in the girl anymore because he’s eaten of thefruit of the tree, but if a girl does that, she’s just a prostitute?
*why is a girl termed ‘dirty’ if she doesn’t shave there, but it’s manly for a guy to stay unshaved?
*when a guy tells another guy of his sexcapades with a girl (gf or not), does it make the other guys want same girl, even if to just have a taste?
Should I go on?
Okay;
*who came up with the idea that people can have SEX continously, with no sentimental attachment?
*how do you feel after a good cum -sorry again ‘climax’-? Guilty or …?
*why are more people ashamed to say they are virgins?
*if you are no more a virgin, infact, you are a pro now, why do you pause when you hear someone is still a virgin? Why do you look at them funny? What are you thinking when you look at them?
*who popped you open? (Male or female)
*are you proud to talk about it?
*what is your nastiest fantasy?
*how do you think people will look at you if you told them those fantasies?
*why can’t a lot of men/women feel free to express their desires to their spouses?
*why is it easier to get a girl outside and do those things to her as well as have her do them to you?
I can go on o!
*why do men want a BJ and don’t want to give head?
Now this I must touch here and now:
Can somebody please tell me what that is about? *eyebrowraised*
I hear it a whole lot. Guys say they can’t get down on a woman cause it’s wrong to bow to her and crap like that, but they want a woman to give them BJ as their right.
Have you not heard that “what is good for the goose is good for the gander” or as I like to say it “what is good for you is good for Uganda”.
You want to reap where you did not sow. I think it’s very insensitive and think the woman should punish you. You know how;
She should give you a mad BJ -she has to be a. BJ pro to know what I’m talking about o!- she starts off teasing and increasing your longing, then drives you crazy. -Take your time babe, no hurry! Then when you have hightened him so much, he is about to explode, you stand up, get dressed and go.- *nowgrinningandrubbinghandstogetherwithmischief* -btw, I need to give props to those that read and decipher my ‘**’ especially the ones put together. *wink*-
That is what he deserves, to be driven mad. That’s what you get for wanting to sit on your ass and get everything done and handed to you on a platter of gold. *rollingeyes* kpsheeeeeeew!
I can only imagine the look on his face. The shock, confusion and disbelief. His ‘zungu zenge’ -as my friend call am- go first drop. And we all know how painful they say it is when they have a hard-on that’s not properly dealt with. If na very strong man, e go help imsef. But if no be panadol, e no fit be like panadol na! ROTFLMFAO!
-you should see me now laughing like a fool. Make nobody catch me o! Dem go tink say I don craze-
But seriously! You sef tink am na.
Those are the kind of men who believe a woman’s place is in the kitchen. *talktothehand*
Oh! And here’s another one that amazes me:
*a man says he wants a whore is bed. He meets a lovely lady and bla bla bla -fast forward scene- they get down and she is quite something in bed. First he’s amazed at her absolutely calm exterior and the avatar he meets in bed. Then his mind begins to rove. “Wow! She is too good. She is such a pro!.” Exactly what he wants right? Only now, -only pidgin can do justice to what I’m about to say, so pardon me- e go begin send imsef message wey nobodi send am. E go begin tink. “If she’s so good, she must have been with so many men. Who and who? Hmmmm! I dey fear o! I go fit dey satisfy am all the time? I go soon tire o! If I no fit perform sometimes nko? She go go outside? She must get one small bobo wey get power and ginger to dey service am lik dis. Hmmm!”
He begins to second guess marrying her. “Why?” Because she’s the very thing he wanted ‘a Lady outside and a ‘Ho’ in bed.’
Which brings me to the question “what does a man really want?”
Guys! Notice how you are so sure it’s one thing and then a few other demands begin to pop up in your head.
Well as you ponder on that, there’s one more matter I’d like to touch on.
Now this is personal;
So we all agree whether we like it or not, that SEX before marriage is wrong, fornication.
I get that!
We also know that three (3) things that hold the marriage together are:
*Love
*Money
*SEX
And in my opinion, if you have Love, money and the sex is not ‘it’, the marriage can only last for so long. -again especially if you have a libido like … Well … Some of us *wink*-
This is a statement of fact:
In my order of priority, it is
*LOVE *GREAT SEX *MONEY
Yep! -infact, if you leave me, I go say LOVE &GREAT SEX both be number 1.-
And the moral of the story is:
If it’s wrong for me to have sex before marriage and good sex is an integral part of marriage, how in the world do I find out if he is BIG, STRONG and RELIABLE?
How on earth do I know if the shoes will fit perfectly or close atleast.
I wish I could go on, but they say my pieces are too long, so make I stop here first.
If you still want to know more about SEX and ME, please indicate by raising your hand. -oh crap! I can’t see you-
Okay say something. Ask me anything -or almost anything- and gimme your opinion on all I have said and what you think about SEX.

TO BE CUNT I NUED IF YOU SAY SO!!!

MR EBONY

That’s exactly what he said!
Oya let me start from the begining;
This one I met at the gym o! -yes I go to the gym, but not really to lose weight. I am a Beautiful, plus size goddess and very proud of it!
I go just to show of my flexibility and swim (or should I say float in the water) because I can.-
So we finished aerobics, my friend(G) and I, went upstairs do a little more and headed back downstairs to swim. Some very built guy was walking behind us like he was our security -i swear for a moment, it looked really good on us-
Someone hailed him as ‘police’. We went in the dressing room, changed and headed for the pool. “15mins o!” We both agreed as the chlorine in the water has a darkening effect on our skin.
We ended up spending about 25mins. We were having so much fun like we had nowhere else to go. Dunno about her, but I did o!
Finally we got out, showered and came to pick our training boots where we left them and a built up ebony was sitting close. I noticed the guy had being ‘eyeing’ me since -or as we say ‘checking me out’- but I ‘formed not knowing’ -as a babe na’.
So when we got there, he was sitting by them. I didn’t know him, but it turns out G did. He said ‘hi’ to both of us and we said ‘hi’ back. She asked him if he was just coming in and I was telling her he was behind us when we were coming to the poolside. I could have sworn it was him atleast. My bad!
So pleasantries exchanged, we headed out.
-What were you expecting? #stickingtongueout.-
A few days later, I headed to the gym again. This time, I didn’t do aerobics. Just went straight to the gym proper to workout on the machines; threadmill, cycle, do situps… The works.
After over an hour and thorough drilling -thanks to Ugo the trainer of the day wey dey forget say I no come lose weight overnight, say I come play- I headed towards my car -make I escape before any of my married men toasters wey I don tell say I no do tire go catch me for road begin speak English.
-speaking of which; what’s up with married men na? Why na the single and waiting chics una dey come block road for? I mean for real what’s up with that?
Some babes say it makes them feel special when a married man ‘toasts’ them. Au contraire, this is the way I see it;
Obi is a boy!
Simbi is a girl!
A married man is ‘MARRIED’!
He is taken by another woman.
He has taken another woman and professed to the entire world -or as many as care to know- his undying love for her. He has tagged her his very affialiate. A.k.a anyone else is counterfeit.
So all that ‘toasting’ na for una two pocket. E no fit announce you too. Atleast not to as many people as he did with her.
So if u like jump enter lagoon, but you are and will always be the auxiliary nurse.
Therefore, if you gree for am, just know say you be the ‘per time craving’. You are like his ‘game room’ when he’s bored and looking for activity.
So please tell me again why I should be excited that a married man is all over me.
At the same time sha, make we two no lie, I do understand that some single men no just dey try at all. “Una can fall person hand sha!”
But in their defense, na experience dey make some married men seem able to handle a chic better.
Just as after the woman for house don shape the man well, e go con dey flex muscle for chic, dey form “baby I will take of you. I know what a woman needs”
And she too go dey feel special.
The little things that make the world go round.
#justsaying-
Anyway, I was driving off and I saw ‘Mr Ebony’.
Pause!
Do you sometimes think it’s rude when you see someone you know in a car, windows up, and all they do is wave at you still driving away?
Well, here’s my take on that;
*If you are not overly familiar, I think it’s no big deal.
*if the window was up before you saw them and it’s just ‘hi’ you both have to say, I think it’s aite.
*if the person is not stationary well…
#justsaying
Anyway, so as I’m making my way out of the parking space, Mr Ebony walks by. I thought the wave and a smile will do, but Nooooo!
He walked up to my window (that was up by the way) and stretched a hand to shake me. -this is the part where the igbo gal in me let’s out an “Nna Duhhh!” I mean “really now? Seriously?”-
So I stop right there on the driveway, wind down and shake ‘my Oga at the top’ before them go tag me snobbish. -i just had to go there. Cont help myself *giggle*-
And this is how the conversation goes;
“Hi!”
“Hello, Good morning”
“How are you?”
“I’m very well thank you”
“Are you leaving?”
-No o! I just say make I commot my car from the compound, then come down make the car dey go by imsef-
“Yeah!”
“You done for the day?”
-No o! I just con look the compound 1st, den I go come back con do the work-
“Yeah!”
“Ah! What of your friend? She didn’t come today”
“No!”
“Okay! Let me have your number or your pin”
-as a sharp girl na, I give mysef brain. It’s better to give pin abeg. If I enjoy the conversation over time, we fit enter phone number tinz-
So I fish out my blackberry and search for my pin. He adds me and…
“Okay I’m adding you now”
“No problem”
“When are you coming to swim again?”
“I dunno”
“Okay! We’ll talk”
“Yeah take care.”
And I raised my glass as I drove off with a polite smile.
Stopped a few blocks away to buy fuel for my generator and saw ‘the ping’. It read:
“Hello Sexy”
Okay Pause!!!
…
…
Where do I even begin?
#thinking
So you tell me again if I’m over analysing things:
I know you’ll say “it’s no big deal!” But think about it. How in the world am I supposed to take you serious even as a friend ‘to-be’ when you don’t realise that … You know what? I change my mind. Let me play along. Let’s say it’s just an attempt at being funny or passing a compliment.
How about I just enjoy the moment and go with the flow. And I did.
I didn’t want to start a conversation at the moment because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I don’t ping/text or call when I’m driving.
So I get home, settle in and G pings me;
…Bla bla bla (yapping about other matters first)
Chioma:
Btw, dat ur hunk ask of u 2day
G:
Who?
Chioma:
Dat guy wit muscles
Chioma:
D 1 I mistook d oda day 4 sm1 else
G:
Ooooh
G:
Maybe he want use style say hi 2 u;)
Secret admirer
Chioma:
Lol
No b style again o!
E ask 4 my bb pin
Ask 4 no sef
Na bb pin I give am.
N as soon as he adds me, guess d 1st tin he says “hello sexy” *raised eyebrow smiley*
Lame line joor!
G:
Na so
Hmmmm
U can imagine
Cos he saw me yesterday
Lemme see whom u talking about sef
(Pic sent)
G:
**** (his name)
G:
Chei
Chioma:
Lol
Men na wa oooo
G:
Is he ur spec?
Chioma:
Y u say men na wa?
-sorry for butting in again here, but I had to ask her o! You know the ‘bros over hos’ rule with guys apply with correct babes too o! Plus, who doesn’t like to know what they are getting into? So make I make sure o!-
Chioma:
Wat am I missin?
G:
Nuffing
He no ask me out o
Chioma:
Lol
G:
Jst saying
G:
Like maybe he’s been liking u all dis while
Is he ur kind of man?
Chioma:
I don’t tink so joor
N I don’t tink he’s old enuf 2
-No o! I’m not into old men o! He just doesn’t appear to be my age sef. And dating a younger guy… Been there, done that! Story for another day.-
G:
Lol
G:
Eh eh
Dis dude seems married o
Chioma:
He does?
G:
Wey u dey look am like small pikin so
ok sit down dia
Chioma:
D more reason y he shud shift o!
G:
Lol
G:
not sure
I said seems, looks like
Chioma:
I dey respect mysef o!:
B4 1 lady go arrange me 4 corner
G:
She go dey uk na
Chioma:
D more reason she go kill me if she rush come back bcos of me
G:
Lol
G:
All na script
Do u intend 2ve anytin wit him?
If I had not told u
Chioma:
Lik I said, I doubt it totally. He’s not my spec, looks younger n appears 2 me lik a guy who just wants 2 groove
G:
Lol
Gbam
Noted
Chioma:
Lol
Abi wetin u tink na?
G:
Lol
eh na ur new friend na
If he beign yarn dust, u free am
Dats wats up
Chioma:
U dis babe eh
G:
Its true na
No need 4 pretence
Me am not patient
Nd also dnt pretend
Chioma:
I don’t pretend, but I try 2 b polite
…
So we giggled and moved on to other matters arising.
But the story just began!

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

AND HE… Pt2

He said he’d be back in town that evening and he’d call me. Not that I was expecting him to ask me out that evening or anything.
Okay! I already mentioned that he just yapped away and so I wasn’t crazy about continuing a conversation. But as they say; “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. So I really thought I should give him another chance.
You know I’ve come to learn that some people are just a bore in person and the total opposite on phone or with emails. And might I add, t’was quite a nice gesture to spend a couple of thousands on a total stranger in this tough economic times -p.s: I know it’s just a few thousands and not a big deal, but I’m into little things so bite me *nowrollingeyes*- so I figured I’d give him a second chance to … Well… Impress me. Or should I say keep me interested.
So fingers crossed, I kept ‘the’ phone close. Mehnnnnn! I waited all evening. No show! He did not call o!
-wait o! As I say I waited all evening, e no mean say I just dey tink bout man d whole day o! I no desperat lik dat na. I just kinda had him on my to-do list. I have a few phones, so I tend to forget them around the house sometimes. I just made a conscious effort to keep my phones close so I don’t miss his call and come off as a scam. Atleast until I say a proper “thank you”.-
Should I say I was disappointed? Hmmmm! *thinking*
Not really! I was just open minded that day and that window was shut at the end of that day.
“Why?”
Well… How do I explain this? Okay here goes;
It says a lot about a man when he doesn’t keep to his word. It says a lot about you as a person when on first encounter, you don’t stick to your guns and do not have the decency to inform the person.
Hope that explains it all.
So anyway, I moved on.
Only the next evening, I’m watching… some show and I barely doze off -which is like gold to catch me sleeping I tell you- and I’m jolted into the present by the sound of ‘Ireke’ by Ruggedman ft Chinaydu so loud I cursed at the fact that I hadn’t changed the ringtone.
-dont get me wrong, I like the song but since I downloaded the theme on my phone, it has just refused to change no matter what I do. So unless my phone’s on silent, ‘Ireke’ will scream you into picking the damn phone. And I must admit, it’s not appropriate in a lot of gatherings. But oh well…!-
So half upset I had lost the priceless sleep that could have lasted a few minutes but made up for days and half upset I couldn’t sound grouchy or outrightly yell at whoever it was calling because I have a rule of being pleasant or official in the least whenever I take a call as you never know, it could be a prospective… Client -what were you expecting?*lol*- or some VIP, it could be anybody. Plus, it is bad to take out your anger on someone sometimes even if you are sure they deserve it. So I picked up my phone and said “hello” a little fuzzily though.
A strange,flat noted voice went “how now? How are you?”
I looked at my phone, couldn’t tell whose number it was and surely didn’t pick the voice, so I raised an eyebrow as if to say “what’s with the familiarity?”
So I straightened up and said “I’m fine” and waited for him. He then said “so how are you now?”
Pause!
Ofcourse the pause is for me to give you my take. So here goes:
-i cannot tell you how much I hate it when someone calls and has nothing to say. Don’t get me wrong, if you call to just check up on me, you ask how I’m doing, how the day, week or weekend has or will be, ask about work and family and whatever else, then you tell me you just wanted to say hi or know how I’m doing and if there’s something else we have to say to each other, I’m sure it will all come out naturally.
But when you call and ask the same question twice, thrice and leave those long moments of silence, it’s a waste of time and very annoying.
“Hi! How far? What’s up? How are you? So how are you doing? Are you good?…” All in one conversation, then you should have hung up a long time ago.
It’s worse when you have never spoken to the person on phone before and you don’t have the decency to introduce yourself, you just go ahead and ask same question again and again.
So forgive me if I become irritable -not to mention the fact that you woke me from sleep.-
Anyway, at this point, I had to ask “please who am I speaking with?” And he answered “it’s George” -like I should have cramed his name or something (so says the lady who likes 1st name basis)-
I just said “okay…” Like I was waiting for some more explanation -which I was- and he did offer some more “George Adenuga. We met at the store yesterday…”
Again Pause
-so now I know who it is. The guy wey no try yesterday. Wey stand me up (if you do that on phone).
Wetin? Make I jump? Abegi!
I should have hung up abi?
Na here you go know say I be beta person and my head correct-
“Ohhhhh hi! How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
“How was work?”
“I didn’t go. You know I told you I was travelling yesterday. I just got back in to town this morning. So I didn’t feel like going to work jo. I was tired” -chairman!-
“Oh okay! So how was your trip and how are your folks?”
“They are fine o! I went to *** to see my parents and I just thought I should buy them some provisions. So that’s why I came to the supermarket to pick a few things …”
-he was just going on. Recounting it all. So I interjected.
“Oh yeah! Thanks for the gesture. I appreciate it.”
And naturally, he replied “you are welcome. So when am I seeing you?”
PAUSE!
What in the world…!
What does that even mean?
When are you seeing who?
Why do some guys think and speak like that?
Okay! I’m taking deep breaths.
What I mean is;
I think it is rude to ask a woman that. Especially if you are just meeting her. It sounds disrespectful.
“When am I seeing you?”
Like I am obligated to see you now, it’s just a matter of when it will be.
I know what you are going to say.
“It’s just a manner of speaking Chioma”
Well, I don’t agree.
You don’t own the woman. You barely even know her. So that question is inappropriate.
“I’d like to see you again.”
“Can I see you again?”
“It’d be nice to see you again.”
…
There are so many things you can say instead.
But again, as much as I’d have liked to give him a piece of my mind, I answered nicely. First with a small giggle -as if I wasn’t upset- and then
“Hmmmm! That’s an interesting question”
-i bet he had no idea what I meant by that. I’m sure he thought I was considering seeing him and checking my calender in my head, when I really meant ‘what an ‘interesting’ question’-
And then he said “tell me when am I seeing you now?”
At this point, I just said: “I dunno! I get pretty busy and my work has no precise schedule. So I can’t say.”
And guess what he replies me?
“Okay let me know tomorrow when we can see okay?”
The rest of the conversation was a blur though it ended almost immediately after that line -atleast in my head it did-.
When I hung up the phone, I did same in my head. I thought “second attempt; flat, no sense of humour and rude.” I shrugged and said to myself again “atleast I tried”.
So at this point, you and I know I have closed the chapter of this Mr abi?
Well you are wrong. Yes I did close his chapter, but I didn’t keep the book away. I just left it there. But here’s the icing on the cake;
As if robbing me of sleep the night before was not enough, at a few mins past 6am, I’m startled by my phone again and this time, I recognise the number.
This time I was truly upset. And No! I did not take the call.
“Why?”
Well, because it is absoutely wrong to pick ‘ungodly hours’ to call a lady (or even anyone at all), especially if you don’t know them like that.
If your friend woke you that early, it had better be for something pretty urgent or life threatening or absolutely joyous and just happened. But if it’s just some random, courtesy call, it makes no sense. Again, if it was a friend and you guys are quite close, you’d cut them some slacks. But most definitely not ‘a total stranger’. If you take the call, it would send the wrong signals. And open a door that will lead to major issues.
Besides, if I had taken the call, I would honestly have given him a piece of my mind. Told him how I did not appreciate him calling that early and it might all come out wrong or he will simply misunderstand me.
So there, I didn’t pick and he never called me again. -atleast not until now.- but who knows!
So you be the Judge and the Jury. Did I go too far? Was I insensitive or just being a Diva?
I’m dying to know what you think. Spo pray thee share.
I’m all ears and open minded I promise.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

AND HE…

So I went to the supermarket the other day to the some shopping, nothing out of the ordinary. And as I went from aisle to aisle picking and deciding to pick or not to pick, a middle-aged man walked up to me and said “hi”.
At first, the ‘shakara’ instinct in every babe was going to raise its head
–note I did not say ‘ugly’ head? Well that’s because I truly feel ‘shakara’ is important for every lady. Not too much of it, but enough for you to be called a Lady #justsaying-
Anyway, I decided to go with my simple polite self and I answered “hello” then stayed my gaze on him as if to say “what can I do for you?”
And I think he got my message because he replied much in his defense “I am just saying hello”
-hey before you think me ‘B****y’, I am not. I gave him a warm smile when I said hi back. But with all the crazy things going on; the kidnapping and jazz (juju) -everytime I call it jazz, I feel odd. I wonder who came up with the idea to call juju ‘jazz’ in english *snort* #justsaying-
With all that, one can only be so careful. So I’m not paranoid o, just careful.
Moving on, I said “ok” with a pollite smile and went about my shopping. I bet he counted 10 seconds in his head and continued.
“Can I pay for what you have there?”
Again the ‘shakara’ in me muttered but only in my head “yeah right! Because I came to shop without money abi? Babe go just stroll enter shop with intent to find man wey go pay *rollingeyes*”
But as much as I wanted to say that, I didn’t. Instead, I just laughed and said “really!”
And he said “yes I’d like to”
At this point, I sarcastically said “are you sure?” Almost talking to the sales girl carrying my basket.
And he said “yes I am!”
So I picked the last thing I wanted. The one I was standing infront trying to decide whether to pick or not to and signed at the girl to take it to the counter, while I kept browsing the aisles.
-now before you think it, let me clear that impression;
I have a habit of just making a mental note of what I want to buy and tend to forget some of it when I get to the store. So before I leave, I like to browse the aisles just to make sure I have all I came for. And might I add, a lot of times, I still end up not picking one or two things. So that’s why I was still looking around and not because I wanted to be toasted more. *wink*-
He did tell her to put it on his tab. And as expected, he went on to the next question: “so I’m George Adenuga. Can I know your name?”
Which brings me to this point;
Why do guys do that? What makes you think that because you make a nice gesture, I must tell you my name? I’d really like to know.
Why can’t you just be nice -if you want to- and walk away?
What most guys don’t realise is that if you do walk away, there is every likelihood that we’d want to know you out of our own free will. Yes! I said it. And it is true believe me.
It’s more endearing when you leave those unanswered questions. Our curiosity tends to get the best of us. #againjustsaying
Anyway, he asked and again, I was pleasant and I answered. “My name is Chioma” -i have a habit of giving people my first name only esp. If it’s not on official grounds. I’m just a first name basis person-
Then he went on to tell me about him, what he does, that he was travelling to see his folks and stopped to do a little shopping for them and bla bla bla. To be honest, he told me way more than I needed to know at the spot.
When he asked me what I do, I said I had my hands in the entertainment industry and he went on to tell me how he was thinking of going into some entertainment business and again bla bla bla.
I needed to leave, so I started making my way to the counter to get my stuff. He asked for my number.
-you know I’ll give you my take on that;
Well, I have a rule: If I will give you a number, it will be ‘a’ real one. And if not, I’ll simply say ‘No’.-
I figured he was being a gentleman asking for my number and not trying to give me his to call him. So I gave him ‘a’ number of mine. I mean let’s be honest, you never know how far a simple meeting such as this will go. -and I mean that in terms of simple friendship *stickingtongueout*-
When I got into my car, wound up and drove off, the real babe in me sprang into action. I started giggling and saying to myself how interesting that was. I mean seriously, no matter how we pretend, na who no lik awoof? #lol!
And yes! Every woman loves attention, no matter how little. Don’t let even our tough exteriors fool you. We are all emotional and sentimental creatures.
At the end of all the shakara, guess what, I was anticipating his call. I kept telling myself it’s cause I wanted to say thank you, but I knew in my heart that was such a lie.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

WANNA READ?

Welcome to COVID19 ERA!

I hope you are keeping safe? Please stay safe so we can all be safe.

So I know I’ve been MIA for so long. When people the expression “life happens!”, it couldn’t be more true in my case.

Life had happened to me so fast, it’s probably easier to keep up with the Kardashians than with me. 🙈

Anyways, I have this ‘book’ I started writing forever ago and still haven’t finished but, I was considering sharing with you chapter by chapter.

What do you think? Would you be interested in reading it?

Will you tell me what you really think per episode shared?

Let me know so I decide if to share just let go on your merry way.

P.s: you have to be sure you are interested o! Because once I start, I won’t stop. It will drop once every week.

GROWING UP OR GROWING NUMB

.

YOU TELL ME

So i have been writing, but i just either never get to finish the thought or never get to post.

The other problem is my stories never seem to end. It’s like so many things are happening at the same time, that even i can’t seem to keep up with my own life and happenings.

Today though, i am at the office – been here since 5:30am- and i figured i could just say a few words.

I feel like i ned to start by explaining myself;

So i have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).  It basically means i have a very short attention span -that has gotten worse in recent times i must say- BUT, i must be clear that unlike people assume, that is not why i am still single. If you have been reading my stories, then you have an idea who i am. And if there is one thing i am, it is COMMITTED. I am passionate and invested in my friends, family and love. That is the reason i don’t easily commit. I don’t settle. 

YES! I AM PICKY. I used to be scared to say that, but i have learnt over the years that it’s okay to be picky or choosy. Infact, better to be choosy, than go with any and everything.

It’s been a few years since i last posted. I have and am still growing. Normally, i would write this out somewhere else and think it through. “To post or not to post?” I would ask myself. Today, i am writing and posting straight up. So wherever i stop, i will just post. -wish me luck.- Oh! please forgive my typos. I have a bad habit of not reading through because i am afraid i will start editing my thoughts and that’s not me.

To the point of this post;

I recently realised alot has changed with me. -yeah i know! that’s not news. Everybody changes. We are conditioned by location, orientation, setting, surrounding sound and all.-

Okay! Let me just tell you about him -yep! A guy inspired this gist-

I met a guy in the final quarter of last year by chance. Actually, i met a guy and a lady at a village market and we just hit it off. All three of us. We had a very good chat, it was such great chemistry, you would think we were friends since forever.

So we had a great time. The chic was so cool but territorial in a very classy way. -the sort you wouldn’t catch on to if you didn’t pay enough attention.- The chic and i exchanged numbers, i was invited to a thing for the next day, but i couldn’t make it as i had other engagements.

We never spoke again since then. Then a few days to Valentine,  work connects us again. They both worked together. But it turned out he was the one delegated to meet me.

We met, the chemistry just continued where we left off. It was just fire. we bonded on alot more. -if i have to be honest, i could have sworn he was oozing of pheromones -that or I was just horny *shrug*– i have a thing for a guy with a wild sense of humour, poise and confidence. He got me. I didn’t have to play down my wit. He even finished my sentences. I guess it could alos have been that i had not been around a guy that didn’t need me dumbing it down for him in a long while – no offense to my very correct guy friends.- Call it time and chance, but it all fit perfectly. He mentioned we shoould hangout in the weekend and my heart leapt for joy. -i’m not gonna lie, i was already cancelling out alot of activities earlier planned as this became more important to me-

So here is what you have to know about me. I AM A CONVERSATIONALIST. I enjoy a good banter. I’m turned on by a good head, before everything else -that didn’t come out right. *covers face*– There are two things that help ease me off tension and stress. One is good talk. So when i meet someone who not just makes sense , but gets me and allows me be myself and not filter my thoughts, i’m like a kid in a candy store. 

I was looking forward to just that hangout. It was going to make my day, my weekend and my entire month. i think it also goes without saying, i was sexually attracted to him to. Just to be safe, i had to ask. 

“Off  the record, are you two dating?” I finally asked.

“We were” he said. “We broke up towards the end of the year. But we are work partners cos we know we work well together”

Again, my heart skipped. -wait! i felt bad for her, I did. But I’m human. And to be honest, if i don’t scoop him, somebody will. *I’mjustsaying*–  I had to catch myself as my wild imaginations were going places…

Here’s the anticlimax though, he didn’t show. Didn’t call… So i did. -don’t judge me- He was buried in work even on a Sunday as he was working on a project that was about to launch.

Again, i was understanding. What i was not okay with, was … Let me dial back a bit.

I spoke to a friend and told him how i just wanted to send a voice note saying “I think we are all adults and imma be straight with you. I dug you the first time and still do.Can we hang and keep an open mind, see where this leads?” Something along those lines. But my friend thought not. He was afraid someone would us it against me tomorrow.-social media age things-. He suggested i called him and talked over the phone.

This is where i found out i am not as bold as i’d like to think -not anymore atleast- Maybe it was not a question of boldness. Maybe it was a case of crushing hard and getting weak in the knees when infront of said crush.

 Maybe it was also a case of over-calculating. I feared if i heard the sound of his voice and it didn’t interprete well on my end, i would decide it was probably not a good time and it would all be over. I just couldn’t have the conversation, especiallyt on the phone. So he suggested i called and told him i was going out for a drink and asked him to join me. This was just as bad for me to be honest. But after all the back and forth, I was practically ordered to call -even had an ultimatum over me *scoff*–

So i did. He said he was running into another meeting and would let me know when he was done. Yes you guessed right. He didn’t. Naturally, my crush has been largely crushed and i am growing numb. 

It’s things like this that take away ‘my ginger’. You ask ladies to speak up, when we do, you just kill the moral. I didn’t ask to date you yet. Just a hangout o! Indulge one. Even if for an hour. 

Now I wonder how i would have felt if it was my voice note he ignored. We chatted a few days later and he never mentioned it.. He later said he was buried in work and can be so absent-minded. He said his friends constantly complain about it. He invited me to a thing today though. I’m at work and have had a long week, but for him, i can. Thing is, he mentioned it while we were on the phone. But he didn’t give the address. What i have decided to do is wait for him to buzz me or text me the location. If he does, i’ll tell you how it goes. If he does not, i am done. cause a girl has tried. -abi how you see am?- 

 Okay, enough said, I’m out of here. To get update on this gist, please comment, like and spread my gist. I no dey shame.

Have a great week ahead.

SMALL ME!

SMALL ME!

Have you ever felt small?

 it’s a question!

 it’s a question I ask myself sometimes!

 it’s a question I want to run away from asking. But really have, you ever felt small?

What makes you feel small?

Sometimes, we don’t want to tell ourselves the truth.

We would rather lie even to ourselves or just get a good reason to get angry … More like take the anger out on someone else, just to escape the truth.

What is the truth?

The truth is that at that very moment in time, we feel small.

Please note: I didn’t say we feel belittled. WE FEEL SMALL!

Now what does that even mean?

Elise Grey describes it as being ORDINARY

So I looked the word up and there were so many explanations. But I found a few that drove the message home;

COMMON, TYPICAL, NOT DIFFERENT OR SPECIAL OR UNEXPECTED IN ANY WAY!

So lately, I have felt ORDINARY/SMALL!

At first I didn’t know what I was really feeling. I was just sad a lot, blank a lot, frustrated a lot, even angry a lot.

You know that feeling you feel that something is wrong and you just can’t put a finger on it.

It’s harder when you cannot talk about it because you are busy standing in the gap for everyone else around you.

Until one night, I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to cry, needed to vent, to share, anything to get relief.

So I picked up my phone to call a friend and as I held it in my hand… Nothing came to mind!

Not one name! Not one number! Nothing!

Then it hit me!

SMALL ME!

I was small! That was the feeling!

I couldn’t give myself a good enough reason for whoever I end up calling on the other end to pick the call.

I felt insignificant! Too unimportant to be paid attention to.

Unfortunately, it happens to us way too often and our EGO gets in the way of allowing ourselves a moment to see what is going on, so we cloud it with something else. Anger, a party, a hangout, road rage… Anything to help us cover our shame.

Have I lost you? Okay let’s dial back a minute;

Have you ever needed to reach out to someone to tell them the good or bad news first and as you about to make that call or send that text, you realize it might not be such a good idea? Why? Well he or she has stepped up. Gotten married or made more money or is no more in the country.

And by virtue of who or what they have become, they are now too busy to talk, listen to you or simply pick your call or call back.

In that very moment, your stomach churns and admit it or not, you genuinely feel SMALL!

So there it was! I FELT SMALL!

As I began to look deeper, I found out a few more things.

1. Sometimes, the person on the other end made you feel that way without realizing it.

2. Sometimes they did it on purpose, just so they can feel important enough.

3. Sometimes it’s payback because at some point, -knowingly or unknowingly- you did the very same and the tables have now turned.

4. Sometimes, the higher power is sending you a huge signal to step up and out of your comfort zone.

And this is the big one;

5. Sometimes it’s ALL IN YOUR HEAD!

Are you wondering which it is for you?

Well, I say find out yourself because I am too busy right now trying to discover what mine is.

When I do though? I will be sure to tell you.

PS: IF GOD SEEMS FAR AWAY, GUESS WHO MOVED?

YOU!!!

SMALL ME!

SMALL ME!

Have you ever felt small?
it’s a question!
it’s a question I ask myself sometimes!
it’s a question I want to run away from asking. But really have, you ever felt small?

What makes you feel small?
Sometimes, we don’t want to tell ourselves the truth.

We would rather lie even to ourselves or just get a good reason to get angry … More like take the anger out on someone else, just to escape the truth.

What is the truth?
The truth is that at that very moment in time, we feel small.
Please note: I didn’t say we feel belittled. WE FEEL SMALL!

Now what does that even mean?
Elise Grey describes it as being ORDINARY
So I looked the word up and there were so many explanations. But I found a few that drove the message home;
COMMON, TYPICAL, NOT DIFFERENT OR SPECIAL OR UNEXPECTED IN ANY WAY!

So lately, I have felt ORDINARY/SMALL!

At first I didn’t know what I was really feeling. I was just sad a lot, blank a lot, frustrated a lot, even angry a lot.
You know that feeling you feel that something is wrong and you just can’t put a finger on it.

It’s harder when you cannot talk about it because you are busy standing in the gap for everyone else around you.

Until one night, I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to cry, needed to vent, to share, anything to get relief.
So I picked up my phone to call a friend and as I held it in my hand… Nothing came to mind!
Not one name! Not one number! Nothing!
Then it hit me!

SMALL ME!

I was small! That was the feeling!
I couldn’t give myself a good enough reason for whoever I end up calling on the other end to pick the call.
I felt insignificant! Too unimportant to be paid attention to.

Unfortunately, it happens to us way too often and our EGO gets in the way of allowing ourselves a moment to see what is going on, so we cloud it with something else. Anger, a party, a hangout, road rage… Anything to help us cover our shame.

Have I lost you? Okay let’s dial back a minute;
Have you ever needed to reach out to someone to tell them the good or bad news first and as you about to make that call or send that text, you realize it might not be such a good idea? Why? Well he or she has stepped up. Gotten married or made more money or is no more in the country.
And by virtue of who or what they have become, they are now too busy to talk, listen to you or simply pick your call or call back.
In that very moment, your stomach churns and admit it or not, you genuinely feel SMALL!

So there it was! I FELT SMALL!

As I began to look deeper, I found out a few more things.

1. Sometimes, the person on the other end made you feel that way without realizing it.

2. Sometimes they did it on purpose, just so they can feel important enough.

3. Sometimes it’s payback because at some point, -knowingly or unknowingly- you did the very same and the tables have now turned.

4. Sometimes, the higher power is sending you a huge signal to step up and out of your comfort zone.

And this is the big one;

5. Sometimes it’s ALL IN YOUR HEAD!

Are you wondering which it is for you?

Well, I say find out yourself because I am too busy right now trying to discover what mine is.
When I do though? I will be sure to tell you.

PS: IF GOD SEEMS FAR AWAY, GUESS WHO MOVED?
YOU!!!